You just made me feel so damn special
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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