the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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