he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
