is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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