We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
