if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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