So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i came on her dog
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
