I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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