she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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