I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
