so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
