Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
