I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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