I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
