I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize