I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
