evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
