I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
