Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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