Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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