She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
