Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
