So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
