My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
