It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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