I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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