There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
