please come you make the beer taste better
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
