highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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