Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I believe in your delicious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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