Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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