There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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