im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
