The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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