Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
