Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
