from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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