and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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