Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other