we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
