This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
