Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
