Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
