med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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