college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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