he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
