Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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