he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
