Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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