dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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