I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize