And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
