it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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