Sry I called you an 8
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
