i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
