I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
