I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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