I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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