roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish you could order shots online.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
