I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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