the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
barbara walters just said penis...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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