you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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