@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
