If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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