you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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