I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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