driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
