it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
