Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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