I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
