Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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