so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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