My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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