just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
