Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
