meet me or not, i'm out of control
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
