dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
