my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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