I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
