so explain again why im purple
no
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
where are my eyebrows?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
