i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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