all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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