You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
